Of Late Bloomers and Early Risers
by RuthieTudor
Summary: Lilly Emerson is lost. Howard Moon is stuck. It might work. Howard/OC with a bit of Vince thrown in for good measure. Warning: Eventual character death
1. Of Bad Days and Being Lost

A/N: I think I wanted to write this because I've been reading a bunch of Boosh OC fiction and Howard has been getting REAMED. Where is the Howard love?! Anyways, I decided that I wanted to think of an OC that would be right for Howard and I think I've come up with something... maybe. Anyways, we'll just have to see how it goes..

Disclaimer: The Boosh belongs to Noel and Julian and I am involved in no way, shape, or form. I wish I was... I could provide a creative feminine angle that... oh, just read the story already.

* * *

Howard Moon was having a bad day and – for the first time in a while – the catastrophe of a day wasn't due to Vince. Not that his best mate was always the cause to his bad days. No, he just seemed to be a lot of trouble, at times. Today just seemed – to Howard at least – to be a day for self-pity, and a pity party was what Howard was having.

"-ward? Howard!" He must have been lost in thought there, for a second.

"What, Vince?" His words were harsh and they made him cringe. He didn't mean to be so callous toward Vince but his patience wore thin too easily lately.

Vince shrunk back but he didn't lose his nerve. He cleared his throat for gumption and pressed on, "There's a sale on, I've just found out." He held up the magazine he was reading for proof, "I was wondering if you'd mind letting me off a bit early. Think you can manage on your own?"

Both men looked around the shop for anything that might give Howard trouble. The only thing in sight – aside from the various objects for sale – was Henry, the cricket, who promptly began singing.

Howard glared at the loitering cricket, "Get out of here, would you?"

Henry abruptly stopped singing and hopped out of the store, grumbling the whole way. Vince turned back to Howard, a hopeful look on his face.

"Alright, go on." As if Howard was going to say no to Vince's patented pout face. Vince grinned brightly and began to prance out.

"Cheers Howard! You're a star!"

"Sure." Howard said dejectedly. Then as an afterthought, he added, "But you're helping with the stock taking tomorrow!"

Vince was out of the shop before the word 'helping' escaped Howard's mouth. Howard sighed and leaned on the counter, putting his head in his hand and gazing miserably out of the front window.

Howard Moon was having a bad day.

* * *

Lilly Emerson was lost. She wasn't lost in the usual sense of not knowing where you are. She knew where she was – mostly. Lilly was trying to lose everything else, really. She'd left California with her life savings in her pockets, the best of her wardrobe in a backpack, and her trusty old guitar in its case.

She'd done everything wrong since then. She conquered two of her biggest fears – flying and cramped spaces – all at the same time and now she was wandering the streets of Dalston, Greater London, England, United Kingdom, Europe, Earth – annoyed that she couldn't figure out where she was.

'It could be worse, Lil.' She thought as she turned a random corner. It could, in fact, be worse but that thought didn't cheer her up any.

As she brooded over her situation, she lost track of where she was walking – or, more appropriately, how – and ran directly into what, on first glance, appeared to be a woman in a very ridiculous one piece suit.

"Oi! Watch where you're walking! This is a vintage 80s suit!" The ridiculously clad person shouted, changing Lilly's original opinion on its gender. It was a – although wildly effeminate – man.

"Sorry, I guess I was lost in thought." She took a step back and bent over, picking up a feather boa which definitely didn't belong to her, "Did you drop this?"

"Oh, yeah! Thanks!" The man reached out and yanked the boa from her grasp. He was awfully cheerful. Then he held out his hand again.

"Vince Noir, Rock n' Roll Star." He made the statement as if it were his actual title. As though 'Rock n' Roll Star' were just as common a title as 'Sir' or 'Duke' or something.

Lilly took his hand and shook it politely, "Um – Lilly Emerson?"

The statement came out as more of a question. Lilly was still trying to come to terms with the fact that this man was dressed as some sort of transvestite glowworm. Now he was introducing himself with made up titles? Who was this guy?!

"Alright Lilly. Nice to meet you! I'm off to the shops. Today is a great day for sales. Maybe I'll see you around." He sidestepped her and they switched places, doing some sort of etiquette dance. No, Lilly definitely couldn't dance. Not even politely.

"Maybe." The shock was beginning to wear off at this point and, as an afterthought, Lilly asked, "Hey, you couldn't tell me how to get-"

But Vince was long gone down the road, humming jauntily.

Lilly sighed and continued to walk down the road, looking for a sign of civilization. Her hopes were beginning to sink to tortuous levels.

Lilly Emerson was lost.


	2. Of Meetings and Invitations

A/N: Here's your chapter two. Please review.

Look! I made a rhyme!

Disclaimer: Don't you read enough of these things to know that no writer posting on here owns anything they're writing about? Puhlease! Just read the fic!

* * *

Howard was giving Stationary Village a rethink when the bell on the door jingled. He didn't look up, figuring it was Vince coming back because he'd forgotten something or Naboo back from whatever shaman business he was on this time. In the worst case, it might be Leroy coming to demand that money that Vince owed him.

"Um, excuse me?" That definitely wasn't Vince or Naboo or even Leroy. The voice was female and American. Howard looked up and immediately wanted to look down again. Where was smooth talking Vince when he needed him? Why had he told Vince he could have the afternoon off? Howard was rubbish at talking to women.

He cleared his throat and tried to muster his confidence, "Hello there, madam. What can I do for you, this fine day?" Howard was immediately embarrassed. He'd sounded like an old innkeeper from the nineteenth century.

The woman just smiled and put whatever she was holding on the ground in order to come closer to the counter and – consequently – to Howard, "Thank goodness. Someone I can understand."

Howard looked around the room awkwardly for a moment before settling back on the newcomer. She wasn't put off by him. She wasn't making fun of him. She wasn't running out of the shop screaming! He relaxed a little at the thought.

The woman ran a hand through her dark brown hair and looked sheepish, "I'm lost – sort of."

"You're only sort of lost?" Howard was trying to listen to what she was saying and study her at the same time. So far, it was working out. She was tall, for a woman, and she had dark brown hair and deep brown eyes. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a dark blue jumper. Altogether, she looked pretty normal to Howard. Normal in a good way, that is. No glitter, feather boas, or Gary Numan surrounding this girl.

"Well, I know what city I'm in. Apart from that, I'm definitely lost." She tried to laugh but it came out as a noise that resembled the sound of a choked lemur. Howard remembered the sound from his days as a zookeeper.

He held his hand out over the counter, "Howard Moon."

Her eyes got big and she gingerly put her hand in his, "Twice in one hour. People here sure are nice." Her palms were soft and warm but Howard could feel calluses on her fingers, "I'm Lilly Emerson." Her smile was almost as warm as her hands.

"Dalston isn't exactly – well, I mean to say – there aren't _that_ many friendly people here." He kept shaking her hand, enjoying her warm palm against his embarrassingly clammy one.

"Well, the guy I met was awfully chummy. And he was dressed like a David Bowie impersonator."

Lilly paused and looked down at their hands. She started to pull away but Howard held fast, not wanting to let go. She looked back up at him, a polite smile pasted on her face but a determined look in her eyes. Finally she yanked her hand free, leaving Howard's hand hanging, cold, in the breeze.

They looked at each other awkwardly and Howard cleared his throat, trying to regain some confidence, "That David Bowie impersonator didn't happen to be named Vince, did he?"

Lilly, still reeling from the failed handshake, gave him a suspicious look and nodded. Howard smiled, "Ah, yes. Vince works here as well. I gave him the afternoon off."

Lilly seemed to relax a bit now knowing that Howard wasn't some sort of stalker. There was another small moment of silence before Lilly spoke up again.

"Anyway, about being lost…" She trailed off, not sure what to ask.

Howard blinked, momentarily confused. Had she told him she was lost? He must have been lost in thought again. She was either very polite or she just didn't mind talking to him. He couldn't believe it. He was still rubbish at talking to women. He wasn't the socialite. That was Vince.

"-a place to stay or something, you know?"

Oh, he'd done it again. He'd been thinking and forgotten to listen.

"I'm sorry? I lost you there for a moment." Howard focused on her oncoming words extra hard this time.

"I said, I only just got here and I wanted to get out of the major part of the city. I need a place to stay or something." Lilly had begun to talk to him as if he were a mentally challenged goat. Though, if a goat were mentally challenged, no one except the other goats would know, would they?

"Oh, right. Well, there's a hotel just round the corner." Howard pointed to the left, "I've heard it's alright."

"Perfect! Thank you, Howard, was it?" She'd picked up the case she was carrying and then turned back around to him.

"Howard, yes." Howard was momentarily worried that this would turn into a Mrs. Gideon type situation.

"Well, thank you, Howard, for all your help and everything." Lilly turned to go and nearly made it to the door before Howard thought to say anything.

"Wait – um – Lilly?" Howard was kicking himself for asking her before he even asked her.

"Hmmm?" Lilly turned and made a noise that reminded Howard a bit of the noise Vince made when he was momentarily distracted by a question.

"I was wondering – um – Vince and I, we're in a – sort of – band, you see. And we're playing tonight at the – um – Velvet Onion. You should - come. It's at seven." Howard was fidgeting wildly with anything he could find. He hadn't been this nervous since he'd tried to flirt with that girl at his last birthday party.

Lilly laughed and Howard's heart sank. Before she could get in a word, Howard cut in, "You don't have to. I'm sorry – I didn't mean –"

"Howard!" Lilly interrupted him, a giant grin on her face.

Howard looked up, turning red with embarrassment. This is where she would tell him off for being a nonce.

"I would love to come."


	3. Of Arguments and Friendship

A/N: Here's Chapter 3. Sorry it's kind of short. Hopefully a chapter 4 tonight as well. Please review!

Thanks to xXxBooshLoverxXx and xxpipxx for reviewing!

Disclaimer: Still don't have any say in what happens to Howard or Vince in the real world. That's Noel and Julian's job.

* * *

"Alright, Howard? You will never guess what I got at this sale. It was genius! Howard?" Vince walked up the stairs and into their shared flat, talking the whole way. Everything seemed normal to him. The sale had been a complete success and he'd lugged two bags full of clothes all the way home. Nothing had gone wrong until he'd gotten to the top of the stairs and seen Howard.

Howard was sitting alone on the couch, staring at a cup of tea with a look of shock plastered on his face. He wasn't sure what surprised him more, that a woman had actually had a conversation with him or that he'd gotten up the nerve to ask her to come to their gig that night.

Vince dropped his bags and walked over to the couch, a slightly worried look crossing his face. The last time he'd found Howard like this was when Billy 'Twelve Toes' Malone had died. He'd spent three days trying to cheer him up and – in order to do so – was forced to sit through that awful foreign film Howard enjoyed so much.

"Howard? What's happened?" Vince sat down next to Howard, silently crossing his fingers in hopes that another jazz musician hadn't died.

Howard started – slopping some tea over the side of his cup – and looked over at Vince, "Sorry?"

Vince rolled his eyes, "What's wrong with you, Howard? You're acting well weird!"

"Am I?" Howard stood up to take his untouched tea to the kitchen. He'd hoped that his behaviour hadn't reflected his strange feelings over the past few weeks. In all honesty, Howard felt stuck; stuck in a rut, so to speak.

Vince stood but didn't move to follow Howard. It's best to keep your distance when working with an off kilter man of action, Vince decided. And so, he stayed put.

"Yeah! You've been acting strange ever since you came out that night with me and Leroy. A couple weeks ago, I think."

Howard shuddered at the memory. Another wasted night of watching Vince and Leroy as the centre of attention. They'd chatted up girls and gotten completely pissed and then looked to Howard to take care of them. That's all Howard was really, Vince's caretaker.

"Thanks for bringing that up again; just when I was beginning to forget." Howard mumbled the last part to himself, but Vince had heard anyway. Maybe he'd wanted Vince to hear.

"Oh, come on Howard." Vince made his way to the kitchen where Howard was washing out his cup, "You need to get out more often anyways. It's not healthy to stay indoors all the time like you do."

Howard's cup clanged against the counter as he turned on Vince, "What do you think I'm doing when I'm out rescuing you?! I don't have time to get out anymore! Between taking care of the shop and you, I barely have time for Jazzercise anymore!"

Vince took two steps back, looking crestfallen. He couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't either anger Howard more or be just plain mean. So he settled on a final statement before turning on his heel and sulking off to his room.

"You've gone wrong."

Howard watched Vince walk dejectedly to his room. He had to remind himself to breathe evenly in order to calm down. He didn't see the point in trying to apologize at that moment; Vince was hard to talk to when he was upset.

Three hours and fifteen minutes later, in a flurry of glitter, Vince emerged from his bedroom. He was wearing his ever popular mirrorball suit and was completely prepared for his and Howard's gig that night. He was still rather upset about their argument earlier in the evening but he'd decided to put it aside for the performance.

Howard was standing in the living room, looking at his watch nervously, "Vince, we're going to be late!"

"Alright, I'm coming!" Vince bounded into the living room, grinning. His demeanour always amazed Howard. He really was the Sunshine Kid.

Howard took a deep breath and followed Vince down the stairs and out of the shop.

"Here goes nothing."


	4. Of Performances and Resolutions

A/N: Here's chapter 4. A bit bigger, at least. Please review! I love those reviews!

Disclaimer: I've forgottten to tell you all that I own Lilly Emerson. How silly of me. Don't steal her. I don't own Vince and Howard though, so I guess you're free to steal them. Good luck, Howard can't be put in a box. He'll eat the box. And wash it down with a cup of hot steaming rules. He's just that kind of guy. I believe they call them mavericks.

* * *

Lilly was sitting at one of the small tables in the Velvet Onion, looking around at all the strange characters in the room. There were a lot of folks milling about in outfits that reminded her of the one that effeminate man she'd met earlier was wearing. Bright colours and crazy hairstyles seemed to be what was popular these days. Looking at them just made Lilly feel old and out of style.

She wasn't actually that old and she would have been in style had she had the energy and patience to follow those sorts of things. Lilly liked to think she had her own sense of style and – although she didn't conform to the others around her – she wasn't a complete loss to the fashion world. She did know which colours went with which and which fabrics she should stay away from.

Lilly's fashion musings were interrupted by the mass of people around her. Suddenly, the room was full and she couldn't breathe; so much for conquering her fear of crowds. She tried to squeeze her way to the back and ended up getting pushed to the front. Before she could turn a try to muscle her way back, she was pushed up against the corner of the stage.

'Well, this is going to be comfortable.' She thought, just as Vince and Howard took the stage.

The performance was short but successful gaining the Mighty Boosh torrential applause and a lot of screaming from the audience. Lilly had been blown away by the mixing of styles. There was electro and there was pop and Lilly thought she even heard a little bit of jazz mixed in. She was thoroughly impressed.

Howard had been disappointed with the whole ordeal. Then again, he was a perfectionist and was never really happy with the way things turned out. Vince had stayed on stage to receive great bouquets of flowers and pledges of love from adoring fans. Howard knew better than to think any of it was for him, so he'd exited the stage as gracefully as possible and was approaching the bar for a drink.

"That was great, Howard! Thanks for inviting me!"

Howard started for the second time that evening – nearly dropping his glass on the floor. He turned to see none other than Lilly, the girl that had spoken to him earlier that day.

"I really enjoyed the keyboards. You do some amazing work up there." She gestured towards the stage, "I can't believe you let Vince take all the credit."

Howard glanced up to the stage, where Vince was signing autographs and chatting with some fanatical looking girls, "That's just his style."

Lilly gestured to a table and looked over to Howard, still smiling, "Care to sit, sir?"

She was being silly, Howard could tell and – although she was mocking a word that he clearly used quite often – he couldn't help but smile, "Of course."

After sitting down in a more secluded spot, they'd gotten to talking about music. Howard had told Lilly about his love of the music known as jazz and he'd been amazed when she'd told him that – although she didn't love it as much as he did – she did appreciate it. She assured him that her neck didn't swell when she was in its presence.

"Oi, Howard! You crazy chestnut! What are you doing in the corner?" Vince came sidling up to their table, ignoring the crowd that was clearly still following him.

Howard rolled his eyes and he couldn't help but admit that his heart sank a bit. He knew that Lilly had met Vince but he was hoping that she hadn't really gotten to know him. He thought he might actually have a shot with this girl but if Vince was around there was no way he'd have any chance. Vince always overshadowed Howard.

Vince sat down in the chair next to Howard and peered at Lilly, "Have we met? You look familiar."

Lilly smiled politely but Howard noticed that she wasn't fawning over Vince. She even looked a bit perturbed that Vince had interrupted their conversation.

"Um – I think we met earlier today. I'm Lilly?" She ran a hand nervously through her hair, suddenly feeling her social ineptness hanging over her head. She'd been doing well so far but she was beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed.

"Oh yeah! I was on my way to Topshop when I met you." Vince grinned and nodded at the memory, it was a good one, "Howard isn't boring you with his jazz talk, is he?" Vince smiled fondly at Howard and Lilly realized that – although Howard was glaring openly at Vince – they must have been great friends.

"Well, no." Lilly looked between Howard and Vince, trying to plan what the smart course of action would be. What did she want here? She didn't even know.

Vince winked at her cheekily and Lilly found herself openly smiling, his good mood was infectious, "I see how it is. Poor Howard is a bit of a social piranha, especially when it comes to girls."

Howard was about two seconds away from telling Vince to sod off. This had been a great chance and he'd really liked Lilly so far – so much for that. Vince was going to take another girl right from underneath his nose.

Not if he could help it.

"Hey, Vince, isn't that the head of Pieface Records over there?" Howard pointed to the other side of the room and silently prayed that he'd take the bait.

"What?! No way!" Vince was off in a flurry of light, pushing through the crowds to try to get a look at the head of Pieface Records.

Lilly laughed and looked at Howard, who was clearly breathing a sigh of relief, "He's a character, isn't he?"

Howard laughed right along with her, "At the best of times. So anyway, about Billy 'Twelve Toes' Malone…"

Vince was not a vengeful person. He had never been jealous of Howard at any point in all of their years together. In fact, if he thought about it, it might have been the other way around. Howard had always sort of followed behind Vince, sweeping up the confetti and swatting the flies.

Vince was startled then, when Howard had tricked him in order to stop him from flirting with a girl. Since when had Howard been interested in any of the girls that went to their gigs? Then again, this girl didn't exactly fit the persona of the others. If anything, she was a bit boring. But Vince was determined to prove that there was no girl he couldn't charm.

So, when the girl had walked into the shop the next day and Howard had been in the back doing stock taking, Vince turned on the charm.

"Hi Vince. I'm looking for Howard. He said he might show me around today. If you're not too busy here, that is."

They both looked around the shop and – seeing only Henry the cricket (who'd since been allowed back in) sitting in the corner, munching on a Twix and reading a copy of Cheekbone – decided that they were not too busy.

"Oh, Howard is in the back doing something." Vince thought for a minute but couldn't come up with a specific activity. Was it stock taking? He couldn't remember.

"Oh, well, I can come back –" Lilly started to back out of the shop. She was a little worried by the look on Vince's face and she was still trying to get used to his upfront personality.

"Don't be silly! I can show you around! No one is going to come in today anyway. Howard lost the 'Open' sign so no one will know whether we're open or not." Vince came out from around the counter – where he'd been playing with his toy car – and put his hand on Lilly's shoulder, guiding her out, "You know, with a bit of customizing, that shirt would look great!"

Howard was – in fact – doing stock taking and by the time he'd gotten out from underneath the pile of stock and out into the shop, Vince had escorted a rather confused Lilly out.


	5. Of Foreign Films and Realizations

A/N: Here's your chapter 5. I had a small bit of writers block with this - hence why it took me two days to update - but I think I'm okay now. I've got a good plan of where I'm going but I can't tell you how many chapters it's going to be. Please bear with me! And review!

Disclaimer: Saw a video today of Noel telling the press that the credit crunch wasn't affecting him. If I was affiliated with the Boosh, I don't think it would be bothering me either. As it is, the crunch might be killing me soon.

* * *

Howard was seething by the time Vince and Lilly re-entered the shop. He had been trying to work out of plan of action since they'd left but he couldn't think of anything that wouldn't just make him look jealous of Vince. Then again, he was jealous, so it would be the truth.

Of course he was jealous. He'd always been jealous of Vince. Everything came easily for Vince. Style, girls, socializing, he was even a better salesman than Howard. Hanging around Vince had made life seem rather hopeless. There wasn't anything that Howard could do that Vince couldn't do better.

Lilly and Vince entered the shop giggling and rosy cheeked. Lilly was nearly doubled over laughing at Vince's 'turtle' impression and Vince seemed pretty pleased with himself.

"Thanks for the tour, Vince. It was great! I didn't know there were so many historical points in Dalston." Lilly was trying to recover from her laughing fit while showing her gratitude so her words came out in gasps.

"Oh, I made most of that up, really. But the tour would have been rubbish if I hadn't. There isn't anything interesting in Dalston!" Vince plopped down in the chair next to the door and raised a hand in greeting to Howard – who was grinding his teeth behind the counter – "Alright, Howard?"

Lilly, still grinning, turned to Howard, "Hey, Howard! Busy day?"

Howard decided that his best course of action was to play it cool. Then again, when had Howard Moon been known for playing it cool?

"Yes, in fact. I had loads of stock taking to do and then I had to dust off the jazz records and then I had to reorganize Stationary Village as some kid came in here and moved it all about. Then…" He trailed off when he realized that Vince and Lilly were giving him a look that can only be described as bemused.

Vince got up and took Lilly's hand, breaking the awkward silence that had settled over the room, "Come on, I'll show you the flat! Do you like Gary Numan? I've got a great collection!"

Lilly let herself be pulled towards the stairs by an overexcited Vince. She kept her eyes on Howard, though, and he watched her get dragged away. She tried to convey her apologies through the gaze but didn't think she got it quite right. All in all, it was a bit of a mess.

When Howard had finally calmed down, closed up shop, and walked up the stairs and into the flat, he found Vince and Lilly sitting cross legged on the floor looking at their video collection and talking about Titanic.

"It may not be completely factual, but it's still one of the best historically based movies ever made."

"And that boat is genius!"

Howard glanced over the couch at the pair. Honestly, he was glad they were getting on but he could feel his chances with Lilly fading.

"Vince? You haven't changed the order of the videos again, have you? I had them in alphabetical order." Howard went into the kitchen to make himself a sandwich, knowing that Vince _had_ messed with the videos and ruined his system, again.

"Hey Howard! I didn't know you liked foreign films!" Lilly called from the floor, holding up Howard's copy of Jurgen Haabermaaster's newest film.

"That isn't just a film, sir! That is a work of art!" Howard came out of the kitchen and took the box out of Lilly's hand, looking down at Jurgen's pensive face.

Vince rolled his eyes and tried to hide his giggles behind his hand.

Lilly cast an annoyed glance at Vince and then looked back up to Howard, "I haven't seen that one, but I've seen some of his other work. _The Doctor and the Pencil_ was great!"

Vince immediately stopped giggling. She liked Jurgen Haabermaaster? He thought Howard was the only person in Dalston who liked that rubbish!

Howard placed the film gently back in it's place among the others before sitting down on the couch to have a bit of a gush about the Dutch filmmaker, "I think _The Doctor and the Pencil_ is his best work to date."

Lilly turned her back on Vince to face Howard, beaming in excitement, "I know! I mean, the way he conveys emotion through those characters. It practically tears you apart."

Vince tuned them out shortly after this. Sure, he had thought Lilly was a bit of a bore last night when he'd seen her at the Velvet Onion but she had proven herself to be fun this afternoon on their walk. Suddenly, she was acting like she actually liked the things that Howard liked! She was just being nice, surely.

Vince – deciding he definitely wasn't interested in wherever this conversation was leading – stood up, "I'd better start getting ready to go out tonight." He moved towards his bedroom and then turned back, "Hey, Lilly! You should come out with me and my mate Leroy tonight! It's going to be genius!"

Lilly looked up at Vince apprehensively, "Oh, Vince, I'm not much into that sort of thing. I don't fit in well at those places."

Vince laughed, "You'll be with us, silly! You don't need to fit in. I'm your ticket into the cool crowd."

Howard watched Lilly carefully, trying to figure out what she was going to say. She hadn't stopped surprising him since he met her. One minute, she was laughing with Vince and then the next she was discussing foreign films with him. She was amazing and Howard was sufficiently smitten with her. He knew he became attached to people too easily and that he tended to act on his feelings too suddenly, scaring the other person away and putting him in a cycle of hope and depression. He was hopeful that an ordeal like that wouldn't happen this time, he just didn't know why.

Howard still had a hundred questions he wanted to ask Lilly but an appropriate time hadn't come up. Maybe, if he could get her to stay with him instead of going out with Vince, they could talk. He tried turn on his persuasiveness.

Howard interrupted before Lilly had a chance to answer, "Actually, I was planning on staying in and listening to some jazz. If you're interested, you can join me instead. That is, if you'd rather not go out with Vince and Leroy."

Vince shot Howard the most withering glare he could manage – which was surprisingly intense for the appropriately nicknamed 'Sunshine Kid'.

Howard looked to Lilly hopefully but he tried to hide it behind a mask of coolness that he knew Vince would have had no trouble holding.

Lilly looked at them both and an epic realization dawned on her: Not only was she coming between both of them, but neither of them were taking her seriously anymore either – if they had to begin with.


	6. Of Falling Apart and Coming Together

A/N: Looks like I'm making two chapters a night the quota. That's pretty good, isn't it? My beautiful readers (and hopefully reviewers as well) will be happy to see what happens in this chapter. READ AND REVIEW (please).

Disclaimer: I think, if I were working with Noel and Julian on the Boosh, I wouldn't have time to write this crap. Honestly! Either that or this crap would be on your telly!

* * *

Howard didn't think he'd ever been this angry at Vince before. In the past, when Vince had done something to hurt Howard, he'd just chalked it up to Vince's childlike nature and tried to take it in stride. This, however, was the final straw.

"What did you say to her, Vince?" Howard was yelling at Vince from outside of his bedroom door; Vince had gone and shut himself in when Howard had turned on him after Lilly had made some sort of lame excuse and left.

"I didn't do anything!" Vince was trying to go about as usual, but the way Howard was acting over Lilly was starting to freak him out. He worried about Howard, even though sometimes it didn't seem like it.

"Well you must have said something! I wasn't the one who spent all day with her! Can't you come out of there and act like a mature adult for once in your life?!" Howard had known Vince long enough to know which buttons to press to get a reaction.

Vince yelled through the door again, "I'm not immature! I'm youthful!"

"That's just another word for immature!" Howard was so frustrated he kicked the doorjamb, stubbing his toe and not at all helping to calm him down.

He went over to the couch and sat down, willing himself to breathe. He was a man of action; he needed to think this through. Yelling at Vince wasn't going to get him the girl, was it?

Twenty minutes passed and there had been no noise from Vince's room, nor had Howard budged from the couch. Howard had realized something, though. He wasn't going to be able to do any of this alone. He needed Vince's help and he needed Vince to be on his side. They couldn't compete with each other anymore.

Vince might have had other ideas though. True, he couldn't bother with Lilly anymore. Clearly, it was causing a rift in his relationship with Howard, but his feelings were hurt now and he'd be damned if he was going to help his friend anymore.

There was a knock on Vince's door, "Vince, come out. We need to talk."

Vince rolled his eyes. Howard could be such a drama queen sometimes. He got up and opened the door anyway and – after seeing the look on Howard's face – found it hard to muster any more animosity towards his best mate.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you, Little Man. You're right; I have been a bit off lately." The use of his nickname plus his admission had completely erased any bitterness that Vince still felt. He could never stay mad at Howard for long.

Vince shrugged it off and pushed his way into the living room, "I may have been a bit harsh about the Lilly situation." He turned to Howard and saw his friend's face cloud over again, "I'm not interested in her, Howard!"

The dark look that had fallen over Howard's face changed to complete confusion in less than a second, "Then why…" He couldn't even phrase a coherent question.

Vince shrugged again, "All in good fun."

Howard stammered about for a moment, trying to figure out what was going on, "You were…"

Vince grinned and nodded, "Just messing about! If you like her that much, by all means…" He gestured to Howard and suddenly, Howard understood. Vince had been playing a game the whole time.

"How can you be so callous?! Do you care about anyone but yourself, Vince?" Howard was back to yelling again. Maybe that was the only way he could get through to Vince.

"What? Of course I do! Look, Howard, I was just having a laugh. It's over, I'm done!" He held up his hands in submission, "Why are you so angry?"

Howard sighed and lowered his tone, hoping this really was the end of it, "Because, Vince, you can't do that to people. Especially people you care about. You're my friend, I wouldn't flirt with a girl you liked just to spite you."

Vince laughed, "You couldn't! That's my point, Howard. I can have any girl I want, even the boring ones that you like. I don't understand it, but she doesn't seem to be interested in me. Do you know what we talked about while I was showing her about?" He paused, letting Howard grind his teeth a couple more times before finishing, "We talked about you! She wouldn't stop asking about you! She wasn't even interested in my Brian Ferry stories!"

Everything Howard had planned to say as a rebuttal to what he thought was going to be another harsh remark from Vince fell away. The best he could do was open and close his mouth like a dying fish. He felt a bit like a dying fish – completely out of his element.

Vince could tell that Howard was having some sort of meltdown. He probably would be having one too if he were Howard. This was the first time someone had been interested in _him_ and not the other way round. He decided that the best course of action would be to sit Howard down on the sofa and try to give him some advice.

"Come on, you crazy muffin. Sit down." He guided him over to the sofa and pushed him down, Howard didn't even bother to resist. Howard met his eyes and the look he was giving Vince shocked him. Howard was horrified.

"It's going to be okay. You've got me, remember?" Vince grinned and patted Howard's knee.

The action brought Howard out of his daze for a moment, "Don't tou – oh, what's the use?" He looked at Vince and made a strangled noise, "What do I do now? She's gone."

Vince removed his hand – not wanting to push the limits too far – and laughed, "She isn't gone forever! Look, Howard, here's what you have to do…"

Vince was sure he could make something of the situation and playing matchmaker was in his nature, after all.


	7. Of Strife and Admission

A/N: Oi! I bet you thought I'd given up already! Nonsense! Here's your chapter seven. And if you review I might send you kudos... or something equally as shitty and un-edible.

Disclaimer: Still not affiliated with the Boosh. I did send Julian a card for his birthday. I'm expecting a phone call begging for friendship. I have high expectations.

* * *

Lilly Emerson was lost – in thought, that is. She had made it back to her hotel without a hitch and now sat on the bed in her room, unable to focus on the rerun episode of some show about a crab that played on the television in the background.

She couldn't decide which was worse: the fact that she was obviously coming between a long-standing friendship or the fact that she was willing to risk that fact and stay. Maybe something was wrong with her moral compass. She took a moment and tested herself.

Nope. Animal abuse, theft, and murder were still wrong in her book.

Well, then her only logical conclusion was to pack up and leave. Wasn't it? That didn't feel right either. In fact, she couldn't think of the right thing to do in this situation. She'd never been in this situation, honestly.

Lilly had grown up around boys and had always been one of them. 'Tom boy' was probably too loose a term for her childhood days. When she'd gotten a bit older she'd met girls and understood her place in things, but it didn't stop her from being socially awkward and altogether unappealing to the opposite gender. So the fact that she was now coming between two grown men did far more than just confuse her. It was baffling.

She got up from the bed and walked over to the window, looking down over the street. The goal was to clear her head so she could make a well thought out decision. Looking out the window didn't do her much good in that respect, however; as standing just outside the hotel were none other than the men she had been trying to avoid.

What were they doing here? Better yet, how did they know she was here?

Oh, that's right; Howard had suggested the establishment in the first place.

Lilly took two steps back and one deep breath. Either they knew someone else in the hotel or they were looking for her. She silently prayed it was the former. She hadn't had time to make a proper plan of action yet.

Not three minutes later there was a knock on the door. Lilly was silent, unsure of what to say, and oddly embarrassed. She chalked the embarrassment up to the fact that she'd run out so abruptly earlier.

"Lilly?" It was Howard's voice. That fact both calmed her and horrified her at the same time.

Lilly took another deep breath and walked across the room, turning the door handle and opening it before she could change her mind.

Howard looked a bit shocked and – after two seconds of shocked silence – he immediately began fidgeting. Lilly took the silence as an opportunity to gaze at a sight she couldn't exactly define. Howard looked as though he had been dipped upside down in Vince's closet. He was wearing a slightly darker shade of chords and the same shoes he'd been wearing earlier. However, the only words Lilly could come up with to describe his shirt were colour and vomit. Not the colour of vomit, more like if a box of Crayolas had walked up to Howard and promptly vomited on him. In fact, that's probably exactly what had happened.

Lilly tried to suppress a smile and failed, "Howard, come in."

She stepped aside to let him through and he crossed the threshold. He stood awkwardly in the centre of the little room, his broad stature seeming to dwarf everything around him. Lilly, trying to take the nervous edge off the atmosphere, gestured to the bed.

"I'm sorry there isn't anything more appropriate, but you can have a seat, if you want."

Howard did sit down and the tension eased just a little. Lilly switched off the television and leaned against the wall next to it, preferring the distance. Just in case.

Howard was suddenly very interested in his shoes and Lilly felt like maybe now was the time to apologize for running out of their flat earlier.

"I'm sorry –"

They had both begun at the same time and they each looked up at each other, startled. Howard, for the first time since he had entered the room, made eye contact with Lilly. The look in his eyes shocked Lilly. She had never been very good at reading people but from what she could deduce, Howard was not in a joking mood and he was definitely scared.

Howard gestured towards her in a polite way, "You go first, if you like."

Lilly shrugged and took him up on the offer – better to get it out in the open early on – "I just wanted to apologize for running out like I did. I just realized that something was going on with you and Vince and you needed your space. I didn't mean to be rude." She paused and smiled at him, "What were you apologizing for?"

Howard chuckled and then sombrely looked back at his shoes, mumbling, "Being a berk and scaring you off."

Lilly didn't know if she'd ever actually furrowed her brow before, but she felt that she definitely was now. She moved to go sit next to him and he looked over at her when the bed dipped to her weight.

"Being a what?" She was honestly confused.

"A berk." He paused, thinking she just hadn't heard. Then he realized she was American and probably wouldn't understand the slang, "Um… an idiot?"

She laughed, startling both herself and Howard momentarily, "You weren't being an idiot and you didn't scare me off."

Howard shook his head, as if to argue with her, but thought better of it. Maybe she was right; probably not.

Lilly looked over at Howard – who was still more nervous than a shrimp at a clam bake – and tried to be comforting, "I have a feeling neither of us are very good at these sort of social situations. Would it be easier if we were just straightforward with each other?"

Howard paled. If he told her how he really felt, surely she'd be off quicker than she had been from the flat.

"I don't know if –"

Lilly didn't let him finish. She'd seen his skin tone go from flushed to pasty white in under half a second and knew he'd be sceptical, "I like you, Howard and I don't think very many people see what a good person you are because you let Vince overshadow you. I've always been good at spotting the hidden treasure."

Howard turned – slack jawed – to gaze at Lilly. She must have been taking the piss. She couldn't honestly like him. No one _really_ liked him. He didn't think even Lester Corncrake ever really liked him, though it didn't exactly matter anymore.

Howard's brain was telling him to do something, say something, get up and do a poor impression of an Irish jig, anything! But he couldn't force his body to move. So instead, he just sat on a twin sized bed in a Dalston hotel and tried to comprehend how this girl had come and turned his life upside down in a matter of hours.


	8. Of Advice and Refuse

A/N: Please, please, please, please REVIEW. I need to know that this is still worth reading. :)

Disclaimer: Still not affiliated with them. Sad for me.

* * *

It had been two days since Lilly had told Howard how she actually felt. Things hadn't changed all that much in those forty-eight hours, but to Howard it felt like the Earth was spinning in the other direction. Lilly, on the other had, had become quieter and more reserved since their meeting in her hotel room. Even Howard could tell something was bothering her, but he couldn't figure out what.

Vince and Howard were standing in their regular spots in the shop. Well, Howard was standing; Vince was lounging in the chair by the door, reading a copy of Cheekbone and making small noises of approval – and occasionally disproval – to himself.

"Vince?" Howard was leery about asking his best mate for relationship advice, but who else could he ask?

Vince was wrapped up in the fashion faux pas page of the magazine. Apparently, the new singer of the punk band, Moses' Socks, had been caught wearing a Jacobean ruff. Didn't he know those had been out of style for two days now? What a berk!

"Vince!" Howard now understood why Vince got so annoyed when he couldn't get Howard's attention. He'd called his name at least ten times now.

"Hmmm?" Vince didn't even look up from his magazine. He simply licked his finger and turned the page.

"Vince, I need to talk to you. Do you think you could put the magazine down for a minute?" Howard tried to be patient with the mod. At least, he thought he was mod today. Vince had been punk yesterday. It was hard to follow.

"Howard!" Vince whined in a particularly grating voice, "I'm taking a break! You're overworking me."

"You haven't done anything!" Howard threw his hands in the air, "You've only been down here for twenty minutes!"

"Yeah, but I had the throw the bin bags out the back, didn't I? Those bags are heavy!" Vince looked back down at his magazine and chuckled, "Donny Tourette's made an arse of himself again."

"Vince, you didn't." Howard walked around the counter towards the smaller man, "Remember what happened last time you threw the bin bags out the back?"

Vince still didn't look up. He was ignoring Howard now.

"Vince!" Howard yanked the magazine out of Vince's grip – causing Vince to issue a loud "Oi!" in protest, "We have designated refuse areas for a reason! The urban fox population is out of control and you aren't helping any!"

"You've lost my place now! I'll have to read the whole article over again!" Vince reached out for the periodical but Howard kept it just out of his reach.

"Tell you what, little man; you can have your magazine back if you help me with a slight problem." Howard turned on his heel, carrying the magazine back to the counter. Vince was forced to stand up and follow.

"Aw, Howard, those bin bags are heavy. I'm a delicate flower. I can't be carting those about like a bin man." Vince paused and smiled slyly, "Weren't you a bin man once, Howard? Sounds like its right up your alley."

Howard scowled at Vince, "I'm not a bin man anymore though, am I?"

Vince suppressed a smile and looked down at his shiny black Chelsea boots.

Howard kept scowling but tried to focus on the problem at hand, "Anyway, it's not the bin bags I need help with."

Vince looked up at Howard, confused. He was sure he was going to get another long lecture about urban foxes. They came about twice a week now.

"It's about Lilly."

Vince rolled his eyes and turned to go back and sit down. If he was going to be subjected to more talk of Lilly, he was going to do it while sitting down.

"Vince, I'm serious!" Howard couldn't believe his best friend was taking his problems so lightly.

"Oh, believe me, I know you are." Vince sat down and crossed his legs. He had already noticed how passive Lilly had been since she and Howard had talked. In fact, he knew every detail about the situation. Howard wouldn't shut up about it.

"She won't tell me what's wrong. In fact, she won't tell me anything! Everything she says is just a diversion. She won't even tell me where she's really from. There has to be something wrong!" Howard was pacing behind the counter now. Vince thought he was definitely blowing all of this out of proportion.

"Howard, if there was something wrong, she'd tell you. Maybe she's finally seeing the error of her ways. I knew this wouldn't last long." Vince said all this jokingly but it struck a nerve with Howard.

He grabbed Vince's copy of Cheekbone – holding it up to make sure Vince saw what he was doing – and then stalked towards the back door, throwing it out with the accumulating bin bags. Without a second glance, he slammed the back door and came stomping back, a venomous look on his face.

"Hey! That isn't fair!" Vince was standing now and looking outraged. Howard was so heartless sometimes.

The sound of a tinkling bell cut the argument short, distracting both men. Naboo and Bollo came shuffling in both looking a bit worse for wear.

"Alright, Naboo?" Vince perked up immediately. After all, he'd get another copy of Cheekbone soon and he really couldn't be bothered with Howard's relationship problems. Howard just got too involved. He sucked the fun right out of the relationship.

"Hey there, Naboo. How was the stag?" Howard came out from behind the counter, eventually leaning against it and crossing his arms over his chest. He'd let the argument with Vince rest for now but he still had to figure out what to do about Lilly.

"Alright. I've got a blinder though. Bollo, put the kettle on, will you?" Bollo grunted and went upstairs to make tea, "Anything happen while I was gone?"

There was an awkward silence while Vince and Howard tried to decide what they were going to stay about the last three days.

"Nope."

"Howard got a girlfriend."

Howard had hoped Vince would keep silent but – in looking back – he should have known better. Naboo laughed and then put his hand to his temple, looking pained.

"What sort of girl…? You know what, don't tell me. I'd rather keep it a mystery." Naboo made his way for the stairs, Vince's amused laughter in his wake.

Howard harrumphed in annoyance and scuffed his shoe on the floor. Was this really so much of a shock?

"Oh, come on Howard. We're happy for you, really. You can't blame us for being surprised though, can you?" Vince sat back down in the chair and crossed his legs.

"Yes, I can. I have to say, the lack of faith you display is insulting, sir." Howard thought for a minute and then smirked to himself, "Now go move those bin bags to the refuse area. I don't want a repeat of last time."

Vince began whining again, "But Howard!"

Howard sighed to himself. Is this what his life had become?


	9. Of Dates and Revelations

A/N: Yeah, that's right. I'm back. After a horrible bout with writers block. I need a better muse or something.

Disclaimer: I own Lilly but that's all. I don't own anyone else. Not even the crazy ex.

* * *

The plan was to run away from the problems, not to bring them with her. But as Lilly sat in the Nabootique, absently watching Howard close up shop, she wondered if she was doing the right thing. She didn't think she could hide anything from him for too long. At least, not at the rate their relationship was going.

It had been almost a week since Lilly had told Howard she'd liked him. Vince had backed off and suddenly become awkwardly nice to Lilly, like he was trying to be friends with a china doll. Lilly reckoned there was still something going on between Vince and Howard but she thought it best not to pry.

She knew Howard was worried by the way she had clammed up since her hotel room confession but the idea that had caused the mood she was in hadn't occurred to her until later. Lilly didn't think she would have said anything to Howard if she would have realized how much danger she was putting him in.

"Are you sure you don't want to go upstairs with Vince? I'm sure he'll find some way to entertain you while I finish this." Howard had been doting on Lilly almost since he'd met her. However, it had gotten worse more recently. He was only trying to figure out what was bothering her and to remedy it, but most of the time it only made things worse.

"Yes, I'm sure." Her answer was sharp but she managed to soften her tone, "I like the quiet anyway. It gives me time to think."

"About what?" Howard pretended to busy himself but he was on alert now. Maybe she'd tell him what was bothering her.

Lilly was American – and public schooled, at that – but she wasn't stupid. She saw where this was going, "Nothing in particular. Home, mostly." At least she'd give him an honest answer, if a vague one.

Howard sighed and walked to the front door, switching the open sign to closed and turning to look at Lilly, "All done, I think. I'll just scoot upstairs and let the others know we're leaving."

There was the sound of a scuffle from upstairs, making Lilly and Howard crane their necks to look upwards. Lilly smirked as Vince yelled down, "Go! Have fun!"

She looked up at Howard, who was still looking in the direction of Vince's yelling, "I think he was listening in on us."

Howard gave the ceiling a confused look and then looked to Lilly, holding out his arm, "Shall we go, my lady?"

She said arm and laughed, "Lead the way, sir."

Together they left the shop – all smiles – and made their way to the restaurant.

The restaurant Howard had picked was a small Italian place within walking distance of the Nabootique. He'd been there once before with Vince but hadn't been able to enjoy it as the electro prince had spent the whole time whining about how everyone in the place seemed stiff and how no one had complimented his hair in the whole hour they were in there.

After getting settled and ordering their food, Lilly felt compelled to try to explain things to Howard. She'd planned to tell him eventually and – although this was much earlier than she'd planned – she felt now was as good a time as any.

"Howard?" He'd been looking around the room, trying to find anything but Lilly to focus on. He looked up when she said his name and nervously made eye contact.

Lilly made a heartfelt attempt at a reassuring smile, "I know you've been wondering what's been bothering me lately and I don't think it's fair to keep you in the dark anymore."

Howard braced himself. This is where she told him that she'd realized her mistake. She'd say something like, 'I'm very sorry for leading you on but I've realized how much more appealing everyone else on the planet is and I'm off to Tibet.' He tried not to show his immediate reaction and tried instead to look concerned and interested.

"I didn't just come to England as a getaway. I came to get away from something - someone, actually." Lilly looked down at her empty plate and completely missed Howard's initial look of confusion, "I didn't expect to meet anyone like you so quickly. I feel like I've been here ages and it's really only been a week." She looked up again to check Howard's reaction. To her mild amusement, he was giving her the most baffled look she'd ever seen.

"Are you alright, Howard?"

He took a moment to digest what she'd said a second time before answering, "I think so. That just isn't what I was expecting."

"I haven't even got to the serious part yet!" Lilly laughed and the mood lifted, for a moment at least.

Howard smiled at his own befuddlement and motioned her on, "Well you'd better get to it while I can still form sentences."

Lilly took a deep breath and dove into her confession, "There's this guy that I dated for a while back home in California. Come to think of it, he was English too. But he wasn't like you. He wasn't nearly as nice or as interesting."

"Then why did you date him?" Howard managed to find enough words to express his disgust and confusion.

Lilly shrugged, "Well he wasn't mean at first but the longer we dated, the worse it got. Eventually, it was so bad, I had to run away. So I came here."

Howard looked down at his food, silent. Lilly didn't know how to gauge his reaction. Was he angry? Was he hurt? Was he happy that he had the option to run away now?

Finally, after almost three minutes of silence, Howard looked up at her and mustered some courage, "Aren't you afraid he'll find you?"

"Sometimes. But there isn't much I can do, really. I don't regret coming here … or meeting you." She took a drink of her water to hide her embarrassment. She hadn't meant to say something so personal so early on. True, her feelings for Howard were strong, but they scared her and she was willing to bet they scared Howard as well.

Howard waited until Lilly had swallowed her water before asking her another question, "What is his name, this rough fellow?"

"Dixon." Lilly seemed to cringe as she said his name, as though it physically hurt her, "Dixon Bainbridge."


	10. Of Reactions and Tea

A/N: This is just a really short interlude to give you Howard's reaction to Lilly's bombshell. I'll get writing on the calming down portion tonight, never fear.

Disclaimer: I own Lilly and she's becoming more like me every day. Otherwise, they're fair game. But I cheat when I fight.  


* * *

There wasn't anything in Howard's mouth. He hadn't taken a drink of his water. He hadn't taken a bite of his food. He choked anyway.

Between coughs, he managed to squeeze out one word in a distressed manner, "Who?"

Lilly looked horribly concerned and offered Howard her napkin, as his had fallen from his lap, "Do you know of him? He never told me where he was from, exactly. He did say once that he owned a zoo but that the zoo had gone under in –"

"Bainbridge?!" It was as though the thought had just occurred to Howard, "But – what – how?!"

Other restaurant patrons were starting to stare as Howard's voice gradually rose in volume and pitch. Lilly tried to calm him down, "Howard, be quiet! You're making a scene."

"I don't care!" Howard jumped out of his chair, knocking it over. In his haste to get up, he pulled the table cloth towards him, sending water and pasta flying.

Lilly threw her arms out, trying to catch things, but to no avail. The people at the tables directly next to them were now standing, grumbling, and calling for a manager.

"Howard, please!" Lilly stood as well, although gingerly. They didn't need more messes on their hands. As it was, they would probably get kicked out.

Howard's large figure seemed to shrink as the idea of Lilly with Bainbridge sunk in. The look on his face got more and more desperate as he tried to process the information. Lilly, knowing she needed to do something fast, threw some bills on the table and put her hand on Howard's arm.

"Come on, let's get you home. We'll get you a nice cup of tea and I'll tell you everything there." She gently tugged him out of the restaurant, followed by the glares of at least fifteen angry patrons. Howard just groaned and let her pull him along.

It wasn't a long walk from the restaurant to the flat but it seemed longer than usual to Howard as all he could think about was the angry face of Dixon Bainbridge. His vainglorious nature and great arcing mustache that seemed to mock him all the time. Howard absolutely hated Bainbridge. In his opinion, Bainbridge had always taken his glory and no matter how hard he tried, he could never beat him. Howard missed a lot of things about the Zooniverse. Bainbridge was not one of them.


	11. Of the Past and the Future

A/N: Sorry for the ridiculously long wait. Here's a sufficient chapter, I hope.

Disclaimer: I own Lilly and she's just me. I'll fight you for Vince and Howard. I'll warn you though, I cheat.

* * *

Vince wasn't in the flat when Lilly and Howard entered. Lilly counted that as a blessing and gave a sigh of relief at the empty living room. Howard just shuffled in and made straight for the couch, plopping down and staring at the blank television.

"Howard?"

He didn't move. He didn't even blink.

"Howard?"

His mustache twitched just a fraction of a millimeter.

"I don't underst –"

"You do know that he's a horrible man, right?"

Howard finally turned his head to look at Lilly, who was still standing awkwardly and looking worried. The look in his eyes had changed since they'd left the restaurant. Now he just seemed annoyed.

"Howard, I –"

"I nearly died because of him!"

"Well, I –"

"More than once!"

Lilly walked over and plopped down on the couch next to Howard, "So did I."

It was silent for a minute, as both Howard and Lilly reminisced. Neither really knew what to say but Lilly knew if she didn't say anything they could be sat there for hours.

"That's the reason I'm here, actually." Lilly hoped Howard wouldn't ask for details. She didn't particularly enjoy the idea of reliving the experience.

Howard didn't ask. Instead, he fidgeted awkwardly for three minutes and then put his hand on Lilly's knee. He didn't know whether he was trying to comfort her or himself. Something told him it was a little bit of both.

Almost an hour passed before either Howard or Lilly uttered a noise. Howard's hand was still on Lilly's knee and he was starting to feel more comfortable about it. He thought maybe after five more minutes of this he might be able to move on to a quick hug – maybe.

Without warning, the door to the shop banged open, causing both Howard and Lilly to jump off the couch and turn to see what was going on. Vince came bounding up the stairs in his heeled chelsea boots. He was out of breath and was trying to talk in between gulps of air.

"Bain – bridge – in – Dalston. Can't – feel –"

Vince swooned very theatrically. Howard – who hadn't understood a word of what Vince had said – made it to Vince just in time to keep him from smacking his head on the floor. He knelt, Vince's upper body in his arms, and gazed concernedly at the back of Vince's head.

Lilly, on the other hand, had indeed understood what Vince had gasped out. Her ex had found her – and quickly! – and it was time for her to vamoose before he captured her.

Vince waved his arms around wildly after catching his breath, "Help me over to the couch, would you Howard?"

Howard helped Vince up and over to the couch without question. He was only just managing to keep from asking why Vince had made such a scene, though.

Vince sat down and pulled off one of his boots, "These new boots are way too small! What was I thinking?"

"Vince, what's going on?" Howard sat down next to him, hands in his lap, trying to be patient.

Vince pulled the other boot off, sighing with relief, "Oh, I got these new boots at –"

Howard gritted his teeth, "No, not the boots. Why did you run home?"

"Oh!" Vince bounced up and down a couple of times, "I saw Dixon Bainbridge on my way to the shops! Can you believe that Howard?! Bainbridge!" Vince paused and looked over at Lilly, who was still standing with a shocked look on her face, "Oh, Bainbridge is this guy we used to work –"

"She knows."

Vince still looked excited, though he was now confused, "What?"

Lilly cleared her throat, trying to regain control of the situation – or at least her facial expressions, "I know him."

Vince was excited again, "You do?! What are the chances? Howard! She knows Ba –"

"I know."

Vince just looked down at his toes and wiggled them, muttering to himself, "Genius!"

Howard lost it. He couldn't control it anymore. He didn't even know what 'it' was.

"No, Vince! Not 'genius'! This is awful!"

Vince looked up, giving Howard a 'deer in headlights' look, "What do you mean?"

Howard threw his hands in the air and made a loud and exasperated noise. He stomped around the couch and into the kitchen. The banging of the kettle and some cups was his response to the problem.

Lilly took the quieter approach, sitting down next to Vince, "Dixon isn't exactly the nicest person around, is he?"

Vince shrugged, fixing his big, blue, and confused eyes on Lilly.

"We're just worried that he'll come here. We don't want any problems. That's all." Lilly looked down at her hands in her lap and ran through her various options while Vince processed this new information and tried to remember the return policy of the shop he'd bought the boots from. He was pretty sure he could charm his way into a full refund.

"Lilly?"

Lilly was deep in her own thoughts. Her exit strategy was forming.

"Lilly?!"

She still didn't respond.

"Lilly!"

"What?"

Vince sighed and shook his head, "You and Howard are perfect for each other."

Lilly frowned at Vince, "What?"

"Nothing." Vince paused for a minute and looked down at his toes again, "How do you know Bainbridge?"

"Sorry?"

Vince cleared his throat and tried again, this time looking up at Lilly, "How do you know Bainbridge? Are you a zookeeper too?"

Lilly shook her head, "No. He masqueraded as a veterinarian in California. I just had a sick dog. That's how we met, anyway."

Howard heard Lilly begin her story and quietly went to the doorway to listen. He didn't want her to know he was there, in case she didn't want him to know.

"We dated, actually. He cured my dog with this serum he said he was working on. At least, that's what I thought at the time. He charmed me. He was smart and funny and attractive."

Vince balked, "Ew!"

Lilly laughed into her lap, "He convinced me to move in with him after only dating for a month. I don't know what I was thinking. That's when things started to get weird."

She clammed up, staring at her fingers which were kneading her skirt. She hadn't planned on telling Vince anything and now she was telling him everything. He was easy to talk to, she guessed.

"Weird how?" Vince was just plain curious. He hadn't assumed the gravity of the situation. To Vince, everyone was good until they did something bad to him. Bainbridge hadn't done anything especially bad to Vince. He was just a bit of a wanker.

Lilly shrugged, trying to relieve the tension, "My dog disappeared and then the animals around us started to disappear. Dixon said he was perfecting this serum of his and soon enough we'd be rich and he'd take me back to England with him. I thought he'd be taking me as his girlfriend. The truth was, he was taking me as his test subject."

Vince looked shocked and confused, "He was testing it on you?!"

"Not yet." Lilly shook her head, "But he'd tried multiple times to convince me to do it voluntarily. When I'd decline, he'd get angry." She shuddered, "It was awful."

Lilly felt tears hit her hands before she realized she was crying. She reached up to push the tears away but instead, Vince grabbed her and pulled her into a tight hug.

Lilly let go then. She let all of the worry and anxiety out and grabbed on to Vince as her anchor. Vince, suddenly compelled to mother her, rocked Lilly back and forth and cooed in her ear.

"It's going to be okay now Lil'. You've got us!" Vince held her out at arms length and smiled at her, "We won't let him near you."

Howard was still standing in the doorway, two cold cups of tea in his hands. His face was a mask of shock and worry. His tears were diluting the tea.


	12. Of Prayers and Morning Breath

Dixon Bainbridge was a persuasive man. He prided himself on his ability to get whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. If his charm and charisma couldn't get it, his money could. How he'd lost Lilly Emerson, he'd never know.

Lilly was the most universally trusting person Dixon had ever met. She hadn't even bothered to make sure he was a real vet before going out on a date with him. He had to admit, she was pretty. But that was the least of his worries. He was more interested in making money than he was in women. He just had to make sure she'd follow him as Bob Fossil once had. With complete and utter blind trust.

But he'd missed the mark when he'd chosen Lilly. Somewhere, below the low IQ and anti-social nature, there was a spirit of adventure and a good knowledge of right and wrong. But Bainbridge had promised himself that he would inject her with that drug, one way or another, and he didn't break his promises.

* * *

Lilly was napping on Howard's bed. Howard had carried her in there himself after she'd fallen asleep on Vince. Vince had thrown a fit when he realized she was asleep. He was afraid she'd drool on his scarf.

"It cost seven hundred euros, Howard! Is she worth seven hundred euros?!"

Howard had just glared at Vince and carried her into his bedroom. He laid her down gently and covered her with the chocolate colored duvet. He was tempted to sit down on the edge of the bed and watch her for a while. He liked the way her eyelashes fluttered while she slept. But sitting on the edge of the bed and staring at her would only scare her if she happened to wake up. So Howard took one last long look and left her in peace.

"What are we going to do, Howard?" Vince was in the kitchen, fishing around in the cupboard – probably looking for biscuits.

Howard grabbed the box of biscuits off the counter on the other side of the kitchen and handed them to Vince, "I don't know, little man."

Vince stuffed a biscuit in his mouth and tried to talk around it, "I'm a nervous eater. If this gets any more stressful, I'm going to balloon out like an angry puffer fish."

Howard chuckled and looked down at his watch, "It's getting late, Vince. Better get to sleep."

"What?!" Vince put the box on the counter and turned to face Howard, "How can we sleep with Bainbridge on the loose! We have to do something!"

Howard shook his head, "It's midnight, Vince. We can't do anything tonight." He reached over and grabbed the teapot – still full of cold tea – and poured it down the sink, rinsing it and putting it back in its place.

"But –"

Howard shooed Vince out of the kitchen and towards the bedrooms, "Off to bed!"

Vince dejectedly walked to his bedroom door. He was looking forward to some action. Before opening his door, he turned to look at Howard.

"Goodnight, Howard."

Howard smiled, "Goodnight, Vince."

Vince turned and walked into his neon nightmare of a bedroom, shutting the door behind him. He'd wanted to say something else to Howard. He wanted to tell him not to get tangled up in this business. He wanted to tell him that Lilly wasn't worth him risking it with Bainbridge. He wanted to tell him that he loved him. But how could he? Howard loved Lilly and that was that.

He knelt down by the Jagger shrine that he hardly ever acknowledged anymore and prayed. He prayed that Howard would be okay and that everything would work out. But Vince wasn't a child anymore – no matter how much he acted like one – and he knew that things hardly ever worked out the way a person wanted them to. He just had to make due with what he could.

* * *

Lilly woke up in an unfamiliar room with a mouth full of cotton. At least, that's how it felt. She rolled over, groaning, and buried her face in the pillow. The smell was distinctly Howard. She couldn't exactly describe what the smell was, some sort of mixture of the outdoors and generic soap. She liked it though. It was simple and that was comforting.

There was a quiet knock on the door and a muffled voice. Lilly cracked open an eye and trained it on the door. It opened a crack and a brown eye looked back at her.

"Lilly?"

Lilly groaned and sat up, ruffling her hair to make sure that – if it didn't look bad enough before – it definitely looked slept on, "Come in, Howard."

Howard opened the door fully, to reveal a curious Vince – still in pajamas and with bed head that could rival Lilly's – behind him. Howard took a step in the room, Vince tried to follow but he was cut off by the door in his face. He grumbled about being shut out and turned to make himself a bowl of cereal.

"Sleep well?" Howard stood awkwardly at the door, not quite knowing what to do and inherently aware of the fact that he'd just shut himself and the object of his affection into his bedroom.

Lilly shrugged and threw her legs over the side of the bed, "Better than you did, I'm sure. Where did you sleep, anyway?"

"Couch." Howard had gotten maybe three hours of sleep on that collection of boards and fabric that they called a couch. But, looking back, he thought it was worth it.

Lilly stood and stretched, "Well thanks for…" she gestured around the room, "…you know."

Howard smiled halfheartedly, "You're welcome."

"Well, I'll let you have your room back. I'll just go –"

Lilly had made it to the door – she even had her hand on the knob – when Howard kissed her. She guessed he'd done it on a whim as their noses crashed together, but she'd tilted her head and suddenly everything fit perfectly. One of his hands came up to tentatively stroke her cheek, sending shivers down her spine. After all those awkward signals he'd been sending her, she hadn't expected him to be so good at this.

Their lips broke apart but their bodies stayed connected. Lilly ducked her head down in embarrassment and Howard – whose hand was still on her cheek – tilted it up again.

"Was that wrong?" He was honestly worried that he'd done the wrong thing. After all, he had no idea what he was doing, really.

Lilly shook her head and tried to smile, "No. You did everything right."

Howard still looked confused, so Lilly added, "Morning breath."

At that, Howard laughed out loud. Lilly gave him a shocked look and he smiled down at her, "That's the least of my worries."


	13. Of Plans and Kidnappings

They were all gathered around the kitchen table. Well, Howard, Vince, Naboo, and a very grumpy Bollo were gathered, at least. Lilly had begged off their planning session, claiming that, if she wasn't going to be staying at the hotel anymore, she needed to go collect her things and sign out. Howard begged her to take someone along but she'd refused, calling him a 'worrywart' – whatever that was – and telling him she'd be fine seven times.

"Bollo think Jazz man overreacting."

"Yeah, Bollo. I think you're right. You're letting your feelings in the way again, Howard."

"Maybe they're right, Howard. I mean, it's not as if Bainbridge has any problem with _us_."

Howard was aghast, "What are you talking about?!"

Naboo took a biscuit from Vince's package at the center of the table, "We're saying that we don't want to stick our noses where they don't belong. No use risking ourselves in someone else's business."

"But – but…" Howard couldn't formulate his thoughts correctly, "Bainbridge is a bad man!"

Vince snatched his biscuits back and then turned to Howard, "Well, yeah! But, we hardly know Lilly. Should we be risking our lives for her?"

"Yes!" Howard slammed his hands down on the table, "Yes we should – because that's what we're supposed to do. We're supposed to help the people we care about!"

"The people _you_ care about, you mean." Naboo looked at Howard skeptically.

Howard started to panic, "Vince cares about her too!"

"Oi! Don't bring me in on this! I'm not all rainbows and flowers for her like you."

Howard pushed away from the table, "Fine," he stood up, "I'll do it by myself."

Vince stood up too, "Howard…"

Naboo and Bollo just shrugged.

Howard threw his hands into the air and stormed out of the room. He wasn't going to let a big monkey, a tiny shaman, and an electro berk sap his confidence. He was going to go help Lilly.

"Howard, come on. Don't be like that." Vince followed him into the living room.

Howard turned on Vince, still angry, "Be like what, Vince? Angry because the people who I _thought_ were my friends are going to let me risk life and limb to save a girl? Annoyed because everyone thinks Lilly is just another girl that will leave me? Like what?"

Vince took a step back, "We _are_ your friends, Howard."

Howard grabbed his coat off the rack near the stairs and yanked it on, his back to Vince, "I don't know who you are anymore."

He stomped down the stairs, leaving a flabbergasted Vince in his wake.

It was a short walk to the hotel where Lilly had been staying. Howard made it in half the time, as he was practically running. He was angry and upset at his friends for abandoning him. Normally, they'd all be in this together, but since Lilly was new to the group, the others didn't want to risk it for her. Howard knew she was worth it though.

"Can I help you, sir?"

Howard stepped up to the desk and tried to look calm, "Yes, I'm looking for Lilly Emerson. She came to collect her things and sign out."

"Oh yes, she signed out a couple of minutes ago. She left with a man. They looked like they were in a hurry to get somewhere."

Howard's heart jumped into his throat, "A man?"

"Yes," The hotel attendant looked over Howard's shoulder and into space dreamily, "A tall, broad man with a magnificent must –"

Howard was out the door before the attendant could finish his sentence. Bainbridge had beaten him. Even worse, he had no idea where to look. Where would Bainbridge go?

'Come on, Moon! Think!' He berated himself internally, 'You can do this! You don't need Vince or Naboo. You're a maverick. You can do this on your own – you idiot!'

Howard stood on the sidewalk and wracked his brain, but nothing came to him. Turned out, he did need Vince and Naboo.

The walk back to the Nabootique took no time at all. In fact, Howard was momentarily surprised at how quickly he'd gotten back. Then again, he'd sprinted the whole way.

"Vince!" Howard took the stairs two at a time, "Vince!"

Vince poked his head out of his room, "What?! I'm making a new collage, can this wait?"

"What?! No! No, it can't wait." Howard looked around frantically, "Where's Naboo?!"

"I don't know. In his room, I expect." Vince went and knocked on Naboo's bedroom door, "Naboo, you'd better get out here, Howard's having another meltdown."

Naboo came out, rolling his eyes, "Oh lord, not another one."

"Lilly's been kidnapped!" Howard was talking twice as fast as normal but he couldn't seem to slow himself down.

Vince looked confused, "Lucy's got a wet nap?"

"No! Lilly's been kidnapped!" Howard tried to slow it down, to no avail.

"Luna's high on Schnapps? Howard, you can't get _high_ on Schnapps. You get _drunk_ on Schnapps."

"Lilly. Has. Been. Kidnapped." Howard made sure to take a breath between each word this time.

Realization dawned on Naboo and Vince, "Oh! Why didn't you say so?"

Howard glared at Vince, "Bainbridge got there before I could. He probably took her while I was in here arguing with you!"

Naboo finally stepped in, "Calm down, Howard. We'll figure it out."

"Oh, now you want to help!" Howard's voice was getting steadily louder, "Maybe I don't want your help!"

"Don't be silly, Howard." Vince was laughing at him. It wasn't helping.

Naboo thought for a moment, "I think I have an idea on how to find her, but you'll have to give me a few minutes." He paused and looked at Howard, "A few minutes of _peace_."

Howard nodded as Vince pushed him towards the couch, "We'll be quiet, Naboo. We'll just sit down here and watch cartoons." Vince pushed Howard down onto the couch, forcing him to sit. He let Vince turn on cartoons but he didn't watch them. He was too busy worrying about Lilly.

Ten minutes came and went fairly quickly for Howard. He thought time would crawl, given the situation, but it flew by. Two minutes later, Naboo stepped out of his bedroom, where he'd been with Bollo for the last twelve minutes or so.

"She's at the Zoo." Naboo announced.

"Cool! How'd you find that out Naboo? Use some special Shaman power?" Vince stood up and turned around, expecting some great answer.

Naboo shook his head, "Bollo found this note in the shop."

Howard jumped up and grabbed the note out of Naboo's hand. It read:

Time for a reunion, boys. If you want her back, you'll come.

Howard looked back at Naboo, confused, "How do you know this means they're at the Zoo?"

"Look at the bottom."

At the bottom of the note, in smaller print, it said:

The Zooniverse, you berk!

"Oh, right."


	14. Of Evil Plots and Rescues

"You won't get away with this!"

Bainbridge rolled his eyes and continued to rummage around in Fossil's old office, "Think of something new to say or keep your mouth shut, young lady."

Lilly was furious. She was tied in a chair behind a desk in an old, run down office. She struggled against the rope, trying to loosen the knot, but she only succeeded in knocking the chair – and herself – over. She squealed on the descent and hit the floor with a dull thud.

Bainbridge turned around and laughed, "That's what you get for trying to escape. We'll see if the floor is more comfortable for you."

Lilly had never seen Dixon Bainbridge be so cruel before. It was like someone had flipped a switch. Or maybe it had all been an act before and now he was showing his true colors.

"Some colors." Lilly mumbled.

Dixon slammed some papers down on Fossil's old desk and knelt down to Lilly's level, "What did you say?" His tone was almost acidic.

Lilly tried to shrink away but couldn't shift the heavy chair she was tied to. She decided to keep her mouth shut in hopes that Howard – or anyone really – would get there before Dixon decided to get rough.

He put one hand gently on her cheek and stroked it for a moment, "Such a pity." Then, without warning he slapped her – hard.

Since her other cheek had been against the ground, her face had nowhere to go. It took the brunt of the hit. She began to cry before the angry red welt started to form.

"Yes, isn't it a pity?" He grabbed her hair and pulled, growling in her ear, "Don't make this harder for yourself."

Lilly – although still crying – ground her teeth and screamed in his face, "What are you going to do?! Kill me?!"

Bainbridge laughed, "Not yet, my dear."

He let her go and her head flopped back to the floor, hitting it with a smack. She couldn't reach up to wipe away her tears or soothe her aching cheek. Her head hurt terribly and she wanted to just let go and pass out. Howard wasn't coming. No one was coming. She was going to die.

Ten minutes had passed when Lilly was awakened by a loud crashing noise. She couldn't see around the desk but she assumed the door to the office had been thrown open.

"Where is she?!" The voice was Vince's; she'd recognized it right away.

"I don't know. Maybe she isn't in here. Maybe he took her to the secret lab."

It was Howard. He'd come! Lilly took a deep, shuddering breath and tried to smile. Her cheek hurt too much. She thought for a moment, and decided to speak for herself.

"I'm down here!"

She heard some scuffling and Howard's face came into view, "Lilly! Oh God! Thank goodness you're okay!" He gingerly pushed her hair back away from her face and gasped, "What happened?"

Lilly shook her head, causing her brain to rattle and making her grimace, "Will you help…" She tried to motion to the ropes and hoped he got the right idea.

"Oh, of course!" He turned and shouted over the desk, "Vince! Go outside and keep a lookout. Yell if you see Bainbridge."

He turned back around to help untie Lilly and she heard Vince's heels hitting the floor as he left the room, "What did he do? I'll kill him."

Lilly didn't say anything, preferring to focus all of her energy on getting out of that damned chair.

"What's going on in here?!"

Howard and Lilly froze. It was Bainbridge.

"Stupid Vince." Howard mumbled against Lilly's shoulder. Lilly nudged him roughly and he shut up.

Bainbridge's upper body came into view from over the desk. He had a maniacal look on his face and a huge needle in his hand.

"So good of you to join us, Moon. Your idiot friend is talking with some squirrels outside."

Howard rolled his eyes, "What do you want, Bainbridge?"

"It's simple, Moon." He waved the syringe in the air menacingly, "I just want to inject your friend there with this simple solution."

Howard's eyes followed the needle in Bainbridge's hand as he tried to formulate a plan. He'd untie Lilly and maybe they could outrun Bainbridge. He was rather large and not accustomed to running long distances. Howard figured he'd give it a try.

He turned and with one sharp tug to the ropes, they fell free. Lilly sat up properly and rubbed her arms, looking nervously at Bainbridge, who was seething.

"Now, Moon, that wasn't in the plan." He pulled another syringe out of his horseshoe of a mustache, "Luckily, I have an extra needle hidden in my mustache! There's more than enough to go around."

Howard stood, keeping his eyes locked on Bainbridge and his arms around Lilly, who followed him up, "This is wrong, Bainbridge. You can't experiment on humans."

They edged around the desk, towards the door, but Bainbridge cut them off, "Not so fast, you scheming bastard." He was directing his comment at Howard, "I know you tried to foil my plans before and I knew you'd try to do it again." He brandished a syringe in Howard's face, "One more step and I'll inject you both."

They froze, Howard staring down Bainbridge and Lilly eyeing the door nervously. She didn't know she was crying until she noticed her vision get blurry.

"Oh look, we've made the lady cry." Bainbridge motioned to Lilly with a syringe. Howard, feeling her shaking next to him, held her as close as physically possible. He willed all his strength to her.

"There, there, little girl. This will only hurt for a moment." Bainbridge took a step closer and Lilly screamed.

"Oi! What's going on in here?!" Vince stuck his head in the doorway and gasped at what he saw, "Hey, you! Bainbridge! What are you doing, you crazy tin?!"

Bainbridge didn't even turn around, he simply spoke over his shoulder, "I'm killing your friends and then I'll be back to kill you."

Vince took off one of his Chelsea boots and – with a quick sad look to the boot – lunged at Bainbridge, "Oh no you don't!"

He smacked Bainbridge over the head with the hell of his boot. In fact, he hit him so hard, that the three thought he was out for good. He fell to the ground with a loud thud.

Lilly laughed with relief, "Oh Vince! You saved us!"

Vince was beaming, "I did, didn't I?"

Howard pulled Lilly towards the door, not speaking. Vince, who was still overly proud of himself, put his boot back on, "Wait a minute, Howard. He's out cold now. Let's do something mean. I don't know. Draw on his face or something."

Howard turned around and shot the most brutal glare Vince had ever seen at him. Vince frowned and gave Bainbridge the finger before taking a step towards the door.

Suddenly, Bainbridge reached out and grabbed Vince's leg. Vince let out a squeal of surprise and horror, causing Howard and Lilly to turn around.

"Come on Vince, we've – Vince!" Lilly reached out and grabbed Vince's hand, which had been flailing about for something to grab on to.

Before anyone could pull Vince away from Bainbridge, the evil man had stabbed the electro prince in the leg with one of the syringes. He depressed the plunger and Lilly screamed.

"No!" She kicked Bainbridge in the arm and he let go of Vince's leg, but the damage had already been done. Lilly had seen what that serum had done to the animals Dixon had experimented on and she could only imagine what it would do to Vince.

She screamed, already crying, "Howard! Help me!"

Howard took three steps forward, still in shock, and grabbed Vince's other arm. Together, they supported him and helped him out of the abandoned office and away from a passed out Dixon Bainbridge.


	15. Of Death and The End

A/N: Here's your warning. There's character death here. (Like you didn't see it coming) Also some cursing. Don't take it personally.

Also: There will be some 'alternate ending' chapters. I had multiple ideas for how to end this and, although this is the OFFICIAL ending, there are others that will be coming.

* * *

Lilly couldn't stop crying. She'd been trying to since the moment they'd gotten into the van. Howard was situated in the driver's seat and he hadn't said a word since they'd left the zoo. Lilly was in the backseat with Vince, his head in her lap. He'd already started to show signs of distress. He was clammy and soaked with sweat.

"Your tears are going to make my hair frizz." Vince was already weakening. His voice had fallen to a flat and lifeless tone.

His words only made Lilly sob harder. She'd already condemned him to death in her mind and she was becoming hysterical with grief. Howard glanced back at her in the rear-view mirror. His chest ached with worry and fear, not only for Vince but for Lilly as well. He knew she would blame herself for what happened and he had no idea how she was going to react.

"Hold on, Vince. Okay?" Lilly managed to get out an encouraging sentence or two between sobs.

Vince's head lolled on Lilly's lap and she put a hand on either cheek, "Vince?"

He didn't respond. Lilly started to panic, "Vince! Vince, wake up!" She shook him as hard as she could in that awkward position but to no avail.

"Shit! Howard! He's not waking up." She shook him again and began to cry hysterically, "Vince, damnit! Wake up!"

Howard glanced at them again in the mirror before reaching back with his left hand and grabbing Lilly's, "We're nearly there." He squeezed her hand supportively, though he was having a hard time convincing himself that there was hope.

Lilly held his hand desperately for the rest of the journey to the Nabootique. Occasionally, she'd brush away Vince's fringe and whisper to him tearfully, "You can't die. You're Vince Noir, Rock and Roll Star. Death is no match for you."

By the time they got to the Nabootique, Lilly felt like they'd been driving for hours. Howard came around to the sliding door and reached in. He picked up Vince gingerly as though he were a child. Gently, he took him inside and up the stairs, into his bedroom.

"He's still got a good pulse." Howard laid Vince on his bed, the brightly colored sheets making Vince look paler than he already was.

Lilly had only been in Vince's room once before. He'd shown her all of his clothes and his Numan collection, which was still in the corner of the room. Looking around only made Lilly's insides hurt more.

Howard turned, shaken from the trip upstairs, and motioned to the door, "I'm going to go get Naboo. He'll know how to fix things."

Lilly nodded and sat down next to Vince's bed, gently taking his hand in hers and holding on. Hoping the connection would foster some life into him.

Howard banged on Naboo's bedroom door as hard as he could, "Naboo! I need you! Now!"

Bollo was the one to open the door, "What happen at zoo? You get Bainbridge good?"

"Vince is hurt. I need Naboo." Howard tried to see around Bollo's huge, hairy head.

Naboo pushed past Bollo, "I was just about to have a nap. What do you want?"

"Vince is sick. Bainbridge injected him with something. I don't know. You have to help!" Howard was becoming hysterical now.

Naboo held up both of his hands, "Relax, Howard. I'm sure we can do something."

Howard nodded nervously and led them to Vince's bedroom, where Lilly was still sitting and holding Vince's hand.

"I see you managed to save _her_." Naboo sounded bitter and Lilly recoiled, but she refused to let go of Vince. They had a bit of a stare down before Naboo approached the bed.

"Do you know what he was injected with?"

Lilly shook her head, "He wouldn't tell me. He just said that, once he got it right, it would be able to cure any disease."

"Doesn't look like much of a cure-all to me." Naboo checked Vince's pulse and then his aura, "He's really sick. You need to leave me alone with him for a bit. Let me focus."

Howard and Bollo nodded and left the room but Lilly was more than reluctant to leave.

"It's okay. I'll help him." Naboo put his hand on top of Lilly's and – for just a moment – showed his softer side.

Lilly nodded tearfully and got up to leave, "If he dies…"

Naboo turned to look at her, "I know."

Howard was sitting silently on the couch. Lilly sat down next to him, but gave him some space.

"Bollo's put the kettle on." He didn't look at her, just kept staring at the same spot on the wall.

Lilly looked over to Howard, "Howard, I don't know what –"

"Don't say anything." His tone was clipped and Lilly thought it was better to take his advice, so she kept her mouth shut.

An hour passed, then two. No sounds came from Vince's room. Howard didn't know which was better, the looming silence or the alternative. Would it be better if Vince was screaming? He thought it might. That way, he'd know his best friend was still alive.

After three hours of torture, Naboo stepped out of Vince's bedroom and shouted, "Howard! You'd better come in here."

Howard shot off the couch like a rocket, heading for Vince's room at a cantor. Lilly could only look over the back of the couch and hope the news was good.

Naboo shut the door behind Howard, "This is organic, Howard. It's not magical or shamanistic."

"No…" Howard knew where this was going, "No, you have to do something. You're Naboo. You always fix things at the last minute."

"I'm sorry, Howard. I can't fix this. He was doomed from the start." Naboo looked up sadly at Howard and Howard turned a vicious glare on him.

"No, no, no. I don't believe you! There has to be something you can do!"

Naboo shook his head, "I can wake him up, if you'd like to say goodbye."

Howard broke down, "No! This isn't happening! You can't let him die!"

Naboo took that as a yes and moved toward Vince. He put a hand on each of his temples and closed his eyes. Vince's eyes slowly opened and he groaned.

"I was having a good dream. Gary Numan…"

Howard knelt down by Vince's bed, his tears staining the duvet, "Vince?"

"Hey, Howard." Vince sounded tired and unwell. It broke Howard's heart.

"Hey, Little Man." Howard tried not to lose control and fall into a heap of sobs, but it was tempting.

Vince's face screwed up, "I don't feel well, Howard. Did I eat another one of your records?"

Howard laughed sadly, "No Vince, not this time."

"Oh, that's good." Vince's eyes started to drift closed.

Howard reached out and grabbed his shoulder, "Vince, wait! Vince!"

Vince came back, eyes barely focused, "I'm tired, Howard. I'll just have a little sleepy."

"Before you do," Howard sniffled, "I want you to know that I love –" He couldn't finish the sentence. The lump in his throat was too large.

Vince chuckled, "I love you too, Howard. I always have." Vince sighed and closed his eyes, "Always loved you."

Howard's heart ached and he let his head fall onto Vince's shoulder. He cried harder than he'd ever cried before. His sunshine kid was gone.

Naboo let go and moved away, giving Howard his time alone with Vince. He shut the door behind him and looked to Lilly, who was now standing facing Vince's room and leaning on the couch, her arms crossed over her chest. He shook his head, looked at the floor, and walked back to his bedroom.

At first, Lilly didn't understand what was happening but then she heard Howard's sobs from Vince's room and knew. She collapsed onto the floor in a heap of grief and sorrow. She screamed at nothing until her throat was raw. She'd killed Vince Noir. It was all her fault.

When Howard came out of Vince's room it was late. Lilly was still on the floor, curled up. She'd cried herself to sleep. Howard looked down at her and ran a hand through his hair. He wanted to blame her, but he knew it wasn't her fault. He knew he would need her more than anything in the next few weeks, months even.

He gently shook her awake, "Lilly?"

At first, she looked at him like she didn't recognize who he was. Then, all of the sudden, she grabbed his shirt in her fists and pulled him to her, sobbing into his chest. Howard didn't think he had any tears left to cry, but he did. He cried them into Lilly's soft brown hair.

After a few minutes, they both collected themselves off the floor, "You can have my bed, if you like."

Lilly, who was still grasping Howard's shirt, shook her head, "I can't –"

He held her to him for a moment before making up his mind. The old rules didn't apply anymore, not with Lilly anyway.

"Come on." He picked her up and carried her into his room – causing aching flashbacks to the events earlier in the day. Gently, he laid her in the bed and got in next to her, pulling her close and burying his nose into her hair. He could feel her shaking and he held her as tightly as he could, mustering strength seemingly out of nowhere.

They fell asleep for a while; together in grief and sorrow.

Lilly disappeared soon after that. Howard had gone to make arrangements for Vince's funeral and, when he got home, she was gone. He'd searched the whole flat for a note and ended up collapsing in Vince's bedroom, exhausted and pained.

He'd saved a seat for Lilly at the funeral, hoping she'd see the notice in the newspaper and come. She didn't, and he was left to clean up on his own. Lilly Emerson had left his life just as quickly as she'd entered it, that afternoon only a few weeks ago.

The airplane ride was long and quiet. It left a sour feeling in Lilly's stomach. Disembarking in Los Angeles, she looked down at the crumpled photo in her hand. It was a photo of her and Howard, taken just days after their meeting, in the flat above the Nabootique. Roughly, she crumpled the photo in her fist and threw it in a nearby trashcan.


	16. Happily Ever After: The Alternate Ending

A/N: Here's your alternate ending. If I was a nicer writer, I'd make this one the official one. But this one doesn't _beg_ for a sequel like the official one does.

This is for those of you who can't live without a 'Happily Ever After'.

* * *

Lilly couldn't stop crying. She'd been trying to since the moment they'd gotten into the van. Howard was situated in the driver's seat and he hadn't said a word since they'd left the zoo. Lilly was in the backseat with Vince, his head in her lap. He'd already started to show signs of distress. He was clammy and soaked with sweat.

"Your tears are going to make my hair frizz." Vince was already weakening. His voice had fallen to a flat and lifeless tone.

His words only made Lilly sob harder. She'd already condemned him to death in her mind and she was becoming hysterical with grief. Howard glanced back at her in the rear-view mirror. His chest ached with worry and fear, not only for Vince but for Lilly as well. He knew she would blame herself for what happened and he had no idea how she was going to react.

"Hold on, Vince. Okay?" Lilly managed to get out an encouraging sentence or two between sobs.

She gently pushed away his fringe with her hand and Vince cracked open an eye, "Seriously, Lilly – my hair."

Lilly laughed tearfully, "I don't think now is the time to be worried about the state of your hair."

He closed his eyes again and seemed to sigh with relief. Lilly panicked, "Vince?! Vince!"

His eyes opened again and it was Lilly who sighed this time, "Relax. I'm just tired. I'm going to have a bit of a nap on the way home."

Howard glanced back in the rear-view mirror again and spoke up for the first time since they'd left the Zooniverse, "I don't think that's such a good idea, Little Man. I need you to stay awake with us until Naboo can check you out." He gave Lilly a stern look in the mirror and she got the message. She was to keep Vince awake, no matter what.

Lilly had an idea, "Tell me a story, Vince."

Vince sighed, annoyed, "I don't think now's the best time, Lilly."

"Yes it is," She put her hand in Vince's and let it rest on his chest, "Tell me a story."

Vince's brow furrowed in thought and then he began, "I was raised in the jungle, have I told you that? By Bryan Ferry, in fact…"

The ride back to the Nabootique went much faster with Vince telling them the story of the time when he'd accidently taken Armond, the Giraffe's, leaf collection and turned it into a hat. What a giraffe was doing in the jungle, Lilly hadn't a clue, but the story was entertaining, to say the least.

"Alright, we're here." Howard parked and went around to help Vince out. He managed to walk, with a friend on each side. He was limping on his stabbed leg. Lilly noticed that his pants had been ripped and she could see where Bainbridge had injected him. It didn't look good.

They managed to get Vince upstairs and into his bedroom without much of a fuss. Well, there was quite a fuss from Vince, but it wasn't much trouble getting him upstairs.

"I'm going to go get Naboo. Lilly…" Howard trailed off and looked at Lilly. The look in his eyes was somewhere between a controlled sadness and mass hysteria. Lilly didn't like it.

She nodded and sat down next to Vince's bed, holding his hand again. They didn't speak for a while and Lilly just watched Vince's chest move up and down with his breaths. She thought this might have been nice, had Vince not been poisoned by her ex-boyfriend.

"Lilly?" Vince turned his head to look at her. He was deathly pale and she could see the dark circles under his eyes. She prayed Naboo knew what to do.

"Yeah, Vince?" She smiled sadly at him. She'd given up on crying once they'd gotten him into the bedroom. She realized that it just wasn't helping the situation.

He took a deep breath, "Am I going to die?"

She shook her head desperately, feeling more tears – hadn't she cried all of them yet? – fall down her cheeks, "No, of course not. You're going to be okay. Just don't give up." She squeezed his hand firmly and felt him try to squeeze back. He was losing strength.

Howard banged on Naboo's bedroom door as hard as he could, "Naboo! I need you! Now!"

Bollo was the one to open the door, "What happen at zoo? You get Bainbridge good?"

"Vince is hurt. I need Naboo." Howard tried to see around Bollo's huge, hairy head.

Naboo pushed past Bollo, "I was just about to have a nap. What do you want?"

"Vince is sick. Bainbridge injected him with something. I don't know. You have to help!" Howard was becoming hysterical now.

Naboo held up both of his hands, "Relax, Howard. I'm sure we can do something."

Howard nodded nervously and led them to Vince's bedroom, where Lilly was still sitting and holding Vince's hand. Naboo looked at her and then back to Howard questioningly. Howard gave Naboo a short smile of victory and Naboo nodded.

Naboo looked back to Lilly, "Do you know what he was injected with?"

Lilly shook her head, "He wouldn't tell me. He just said that, once he got it right, it would be able to cure any disease."

"Doesn't look like much of a cure-all to me." Naboo checked Vince's pulse and then his aura, "He's really sick. You need to leave me alone with him for a bit. Let me focus."

Howard and Bollo nodded and left the room but Lilly was more than reluctant to leave.

Vince turned his head to look down at Lilly again, "Its okay. Naboo can help."

Lilly took one last aching look at Vince and stood, leaving the room and shutting the door behind her. Howard was sitting silently on the couch. Lilly sat down next to him, but gave him some space.

"Howard, I…" She trailed off, not knowing exactly what to say.

He turned and looked down at her. She looked smaller than normal and she was crying again. He put his arm around her shoulders comfortingly and she threw herself into him, sobbing.

"I didn't mean for any of this to happen! I should have stayed away from you. He's going to die and it's all my fault." She wailed into his shirt. At first, Howard couldn't respond. The close proximity of their bodies had thrown him off. For a moment, he just sat there, one arm on the back of the couch and the other hanging in midair. Finally, something clicked and he put his arms around her.

He rested his cheek against her hair and sighed, "It's going to be okay."

"How do you know? You don't know that." She had quieted down to a near-mumble but he could still make out her words.

Howard didn't know why, but he smiled. Then, without thought, he kissed the top of her head.

He could feel Lilly laugh against his chest, "What happened to your boundary issues?"

Howard got serious for a moment and, after some thought, said, "They don't apply here."

After about an hour of watching Bollo jog back and forth between Vince's and Naboo's bedrooms, Naboo finally came out. His shaman sleeves were rolled up and his turban was askew, but he was smiling.

"You owe me, Moon."

Lilly jumped up and out of Howard's arms, laughing, "You saved him?!"

Howard wasn't listening. He missed her warmth, the smell of her hair, and her laugh against his chest. He almost wished Naboo hadn't come out. Then he thought of his best friend and jumped off the couch too.

"You can go in and see him if you want but he'll want to sleep." Naboo turned to go to his bedroom, "Speaking of sleep, I'm exhausted. Bollo, get some paracetemol, will you? I've got a blinder."

Howard entered Vince's bedroom first, followed by Lilly. Vince was laying with his back to them.

"Vince?" Howard tried to use his quiet and comforting voice, but he was so nervous and excited that it came out more neurotic and scared.

Vince didn't move, but both Howard and Lilly saw him sigh, "I'm sleeping. Come back later."

"You're okay, Little Man?" Howard took a step forward and put his arm out but he didn't touch the smaller man. For a moment he just stood there, arm hanging. He finally let it fall back to his side and Lilly took his hand in hers, squeezing gently in support.

Vince rolled over to his back and looked at Lilly, "I told you Naboo would fix me."

He smiled then, and Lilly knew everything was going to be okay.

**Epilogue:**

"Howard! I'm off to the shops. I need some more root boost and I heard there's a great new display at Top Shop." Vince called over his shoulder from the stairs.

Howard and Lilly were sitting on the couch, watching a documentary about ocelots and eating grilled cheese. Periodically, Howard would tell Lilly stories of the ocelots at the Zooniverse and Lilly would listen with mouth agape at the brave tales he told. Obviously, he was exaggerating.

"Bye Vince!" Howard shouted without looking at him.

Lilly turned around and poked her head over the top of the couch, "Vince!"

Vince turned around at the top of the stairs and looked at her, "Hmm?"

"Be careful."

He smiled knowingly and saluted her before bounding down the stairs.

Lilly turned back around and looked at Howard. He looked back at her and smiled before leaning down and pecking her on the lips.

He pulled her to him and she leaned against his chest, eyes still trained on the television.

Howard smiled, "Now, about those ocelots…"


End file.
